Another Look at 'A Little Bit About the South...'

Greetings Kind Reader, so nice of you to drop by!  Sorry not to have posted the other day...my daughter has been on Spring Break and during that time we've had visits from her grandparents who live in North Carolina as well as from my nephew and his beautiful family who live in Illinois.  And the weather, well, it's been absolutely fabulous!  We've gotten some much needed rain as well as have had some terrifically sunny, warm days...not too bad for the Ides of this particular March!

Gosh, the middle of March...it's hard to believe.  Especially when I think back to just about 3 years ago when I was just getting up the courage to start this blog of mine.  Yes...in about 6 weeks, WASWR will actually be 3 years old.  Can you believe it?!  Sometimes I can't and I have to pinch myself because believe it or not...it takes a lot to keep up with posting to a blog (at least it does for me as I tend to write 'short stories' as opposed to quick little posts).   And for those of you who like to read blogs but may not 'write' them, trust me when I say 3 years is like 20 years in regular time no matter if you're a wordy person like myself or a daily journal blogger!

As a writer I feel like I've grown so much over these near 3 years but when I think back to when it all started my mind goes to that very first post 'A Little Bit About The South' posted on April 29, 2009.  I think it really set the stage for what WASWR is all about and I thought it would be fun to take another look at it especially since the vast majority of the readers who now stop by never cruised through my older work.  So I hope you enjoy it; I know I did and I've read it oodles of times!

I was once asked by a friend two questions that on the surface seemed rather simple and straight forward. They were: What makes a Southerner a Southerner? And for that matter just where is the South?

I knew he was expecting a cut and dry geographic response but when it comes to defining an entire region and group of people, there is never anything that is cut and dry so I looked at him and said, “Dear Lord, do you really want an answer?”

Now as an aside, the invoking of anecdotal precursory phrases such as 'Dear Lord', 'Heavens', or ‘Good Lord Almighty’ is quite common among women who view themselves as Southern (whether they were born and raised in the South or feel as though they have become Southern via some kind of geographic osmosis) regardless of their religious affiliation or the extent to which they observe the rites and rituals of any particular spiritual community.

And he replied, “Yes, of course.”

Now I am no expert on the subject nor do I claim to be; however, I was born and raised in the South so I decided I would give it a well-intentioned shot. The following is a fairly decent summation of what I told him...

“Alright then, I suppose I could be technical and say that what is considered by most Americans to be the South is (alphabetically speaking): Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and West Virginia. (Oklahoma squeaks in, too, but the upper part tends to get grouped with the Midwest) And it's not just in the big cities and surrounding communities like Atlanta, GA, New Orleans, LA, and Charleston, SC (where the first shots of the American Civil War were fired). It's also in all the little places along all the highways and little byways to those cities.

But trying to say ‘it is here’ or ‘it is there’ is like trying to catch smoke in your hand, as the South cannot be defined using something as static as longitude and latitude because to be quite honest, it’s just as much a state of mind felt by people who live below the Mason-Dixon Line as it is a place.

‘The South’ is anywhere that 'yes ma'am' and 'no sir' is used without question. It’s a place where real men open doors for ANY woman, regardless of age, color, or religious background. It's where any woman who is old enough to run a Sunday school class is called 'Miss' regardless if she is, was, or ever has been married. It’s also where you can find out about all the things going on in a town simply by reading church bulletins as they list everything from birth announcements to prayer requests to reminders about upcoming ice cream socials. And in the South, church members are not just parishioners rather they are 'brother' and 'sister'.

As for churches they can be found on just about every corner in the heart of any little town. Lutherans, Methodists, and Baptists, oh my! Why I can almost guarantee that every Sunday the parking lots of those churches as well as the lots of all the other religious denominations are overflowing with good Christian families wanting to be filled with the Holy Spirit in the allotted 45 minute morning worship time frame.

And the faithful servants of the Good Lord who preach to all those pious children of God know that they must keep a close eye on...the clock on the back wall because they know that at noon the ability of their flock to receive the Word of God is overshadowed by their desire to eat lunch. Oh, it is a rare thing indeed for a minister to go over the unspoken 10 minute grace period. And when it happens it’s never a pretty site.

I can only imagine the frustration a minister feels when he looks out and sees his parishioners getting antsy and hears their heavy sighs as well as the agitated rustling of those informative church bulletins when the minute hand sweeps past high noon. And with each tick of the clock their restlessness grows so great that if a quick summation is not forthcoming...everything said prior to the benediction will have all been for naught. Then again, that usually only happens to novice ministers who are positive that ‘if the people would just be patient, this is the sermon that’s gonna make them truly see the light’ because the pastors who’ve been around for a while know that the most effective sermons...the ones that really drive home the message...are those that are short, sweet and to the point.

And speaking of driving...no Southern minister in his right mind ever, and I do mean EVER, plans ‘knock out sermons’ for the following dates: Memorial Day, Labor Day or the Sunday closest to the 4th of July and not just because they are 3 day weekends. Heavens, no! Those are prime NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing) weekends and no one...not even the Big Guy can come between a devoted NASCAR fan and an important race event. No one...because NASCAR is practically a religion in and of itself.

Luckily most NASCAR religious events are held on the weekends after the traditional church meeting but there are some races that require special sacraments prior to the actual event. In the world of non-NASCAR aficionados it’s called tailgating (even if it’s done from the comfort of a person’s living room). But I dare say the gurus of NASCAR would have quite a challenge on their hands if they scheduled any races on a Wednesday because as a general rule of thumb, all the good Christians can be found on any given Wednesday evening at their house of worship for Bible study or youth group. Yes, you'd be hard pressed to find a small town in the South where ANY event (school play, sport, town council meeting, etc.) is scheduled on a Wednesday evening.

Unless, of course, it's a week-long tent revival held outside beneath a thin canopy set out in the blistering sun among the gnats and other no see-ums. Ah, yes, those good old fashioned summer time revivals...they really do still have those here and they are always in the hottest part of the season, too. Call me silly but I think those events are held in the summer to coincide with the Hellfire and damnation sermons that are given because all that ambient heat must surely help to get the message through. Now those sermons are the ones that no one dares question the length of. Why to glance at your watch might very well bring down a shower of fire and brimstone right onto your lap. And with all that evangelical hair in such close quarters you definitely don’t want anything flammable nearby because you could easily set the whole place ablaze!

But enough of Southern religion because I have no doubt that I could write a ten volume set on the topic and still not do it justice! Besides, I’d much rather move on and discuss the personal side of the South...the Southern mindset.

To really be Southern...you have to be born here. If you weren't born here, the real ones will always eye you with a bit of suspicion. Remember this is the place where a woman can say more in an instant with her smile than could ever be uttered; and, an entire conversation can be spoken by a man with a simple nod of his head. Oh, you’ll be welcomed...after all, hospitality is a Southern trademark but don’t expect to be immediately accepted especially if you don’t sound like one of us.

Because the voice is such an important part of who you are down here. Many is the time I’ve heard people laugh as they talk about how Southerners speak with over exaggerated diphthongs (gliding together vowels like in the words you + all = ya’ll).  Or they clip endings to words (so that the word doing becomes duin).  And sometimes Southerners actually create wholly new words (ex. what are = whuter). Put it all together and you get something like the following ‘What are you all doing?’ becomes ‘Whuter ya’ll duin?’

However, it must be noted that there isn’t really a singular Southern accent rather it’s an amalgamation of all the various dialects heard throughout the region. A person raised in Louisiana sounds completely different than someone raised in Virginia. And to hear a person from Murphy, NC, one of the farthest points to the west read the Gettysburg Address aloud and then to hear that same speech read by someone from Manteo, the farthest point east in NC is like night and day even though there are only about 550 miles separating them.

Though sadly it seems the thicker the ‘accent’...the more stupid a person is considered, which is really a shame, because it isn't at all true. But words do speak volumes and if you don't know all the fancy 'educated' terms or you blend a few too many vowels or you clip an abundance of those words you might as well be planting watermelon seeds.

To be quite honest if one were to analyze the vocal patterns of someone raised in the South regardless of where in the South in may be, one would find that the Southern speech pattern is really quite melodic with a soft flowing relaxed sort of lilt. Maybe it’s that way because people in the South follow the patientia est virtus credo when it comes to life. After all there is no need to zip through our lives or our words as if time is always running short.  (And before I go any further, as I'm sure your mind probably already has decided what my Southern voice sounds like, I do humbly ask your forgiveness for having butchered that lovely Latin phrase)

However, life in the South is not all mint juleps, magnolias, and Krispy Kreme Donuts. If you don't know what those are...I'm so sorry. They are probably the sweetest, most fattening donuts in the entire world. And when they are served warm, it’s like biting into a little bit of Heaven. There are problems here just as there are problems anywhere. But unlike all those other places where life whizzes past so quickly it’s hard to catch your breath, down South we know how to stop and see the forest for the trees.

Yes, this is the home of moonshine, shotguns, and pig-pickins'. But it's also the land of debutante balls, cotillions, and military academies. And we're not stupid. Not by a long shot.

Just look at all the Presidents who hail from the South...George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe,  John Tyler, Zachary Taylor,  Bill Clinton, Andrew Jackson, Andrew Johnson, Lyndon Johnson, Dwight Eisenhower to name a few. We’ve only had 44 Presidents...13 are from the South. And for the most part those guys weren’t too shabby at their jobs either.

There are also a few other pretty famous and relatively smart Southern individuals, too: Edward R. Murrow, William Sydney Porter (better known as O. Henry), Richard Henry Lee, John C. Calhoun, Dizzy Gillespie, Ray Charles, Margaret Mitchel, Zelda Fitzgerald, Helen Keller, Harper Lee, Jimmy Buffet (okay, so he's not really 'smart' in the thinking man's way...but come on...it's Mr. Margaritaville), Tennessee Williams, Admiral David Farragut, Benjamin Banneker, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, Upton Sinclair, and Frank Zappa (Yeah, yeah...he was a wigged out musician...but he was also one Hell of a composer and innovator!)

I could go on...there are so many more amazingly smart and gifted people from the South. But, part of my upbringing taught me to never harp over things which are obvious. I will if you’d like.”  And with that I looked at my friend and smiled.

After which my friend put up his hand and smiled as he said, “No, need. I think I’m starting to understand.”

So now you know what I told my friend.  For those of you who are Southern, I hope this lifted your spirits and made you proud to be who you are. And for those of you who aren’t Southern or who might have forgotten what it really means, it’s my hope that you will sit back and examine the world you live in if only for a minute.

And that's all I've got...til next time!